localfreak: (carryon)
So it's my birthday today.
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aghhfusdhfodhsdons

I've been really dreading this one. I can't believe I'm 30. I've been wracked with occasional waves of deep inadequacy for weeks leading up to the day (ohgodiveachievesolittlejesusdiedat33whatthefuckareyoudoingwithlifeyourealsogoingtodiealoneandunsnoggedbyanone)

but actually today's been really nice. I've had so many people sending me cards and well wishes and presents I feel wholly spoiled and absolutely undeserving that so many people would think of me and send me things. (I always find birthdays a bit difficult because of this. Christmas is easier because then everyone gets presents so it doesn't feel quite so overwhelming!) I really am lucky to have such lovely friends and family members. I got a necklace, and a beautiful probably-terrifyingly-expensive pen, Wolverine-awesomethings, oomics and a lot of vouchers and money because I start Uni next week and I am in DESPERATE need of a laptop so the majority of funds will go to that...though maybe a little to spare to finally treat myself to Against Me's Trans Dysphoria Blues album for car journey rocking.

I watched Sherlock Holmes (The RDJ film) this evening. I have avoided it previously as, after seeing the trailer, I concluded I would not like it. I was correct in my original assumption. I actually liked RDJ's performance (sort of) but I would've enjoyed the whole thing better if it had been just an action story with no mention of Holmes, Watson, Adler, Mary, the chequebook, the gambling habit, the injuries to Watson's shoulder and leg...because it all reminded me of something that it was not. A pugilist Holmes? Of course. But Alesteir-Crowley type cults, creepy sex-rituals and ridiculous anachronisms? No. Sorry but No. Sad face all around.

I am wallowing in my new stationary whilst I wait for my new laptop to arrive. So exciting times!
localfreak: avatar which I have used as mine since scarboard days 10 years ago (Default)
Mostly because I still have ongoing computer issues so whilst I can tweet and read emails I am mostly doing so on my phone and can't really cope with doing dreamwidth the same way (bad eyes, bad bad eyes).

SOOooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Life is ridiculous in a mostly good way at the moment. I am in rehearsal for two shows: one a concert of Les Mis and Miss Saigon songs on FRIDAY to raise money for a very deserving cause and the second is Hamlet in January.

In addition, work is very very busy at the moment because I am doing new things and going to different places and meeting new people and it is good and fun but also makes me very tired as I haven't got into the new routine yet. I am however *touch wood* starting my University distance learning in a few weeks in which I will begin to master the dark arts of being a librarian.

AND THEN NIGHT VALE PUBLIC LIBRARY WILL BE MIIINE *bwahahahaha*
localfreak: avatar which I have used as mine since scarboard days 10 years ago (Default)
Yesterday a terrible thing happened in America. A mass shooting at an lgbt night club, perpetrated by a man who apparently pledged allegiance to IS prior to the attack.
Apparently some people want to say that because this was an act of terrorism, it was not a hate crime which simply beggar’s believe. This was an act of terrorism. It was an act of hate and an act of prejudice.
My heart is aching for all those involved. For the victims of the attack, for the survivors, for the wounded, for those who escaped. For their friends, their co-workers, their families, their lovers and their children.
For every life that man has taken, so many have been irreparably affected. Children have lost parents, friends have lost friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and wives, partners and lovers. Parents have lost their children.
I feel too for the shooter’s parents. According to the news so far he was born in new york, to parents who – judging by his age- would have gone to America possibly to escape the war and suffering in their original country. According to the news he had a son- what a burden to bear. What a weight. The shame and sorrow and hurt and anger they must feel.
The people have come together though, as people do in the face of tragedy and horror. Vigils are being held in cities all over the world, even as I write this. People are praying. People want to help. The BBC showed, in the immediate aftermath, the queues of people donating blood. Doing what they could.
We live in an astonishing age for lgbt rights and equality. If you had told me, aged fifteen, that gay marriage would exist, that section 28 would be rescinded- I don’t think I’d have believed it. And that wasn’t that long ago.
There is still prejudice however. Often populations take longer to catch up with the ideals of equality imbued by those with power to change things.
I hurt for those in Orlando, but I hurt too for all of us. Everyone who has seen the light of progress only to be reminded by this senseless, monstrous act, that prejudice does not end. But by strength, by solidarity, by vigils and prayers and marches and standing together we combat the hate. We must not hide. We must not be cowed or frightened because bullies thrive on fear. They thrive on our grief because they do not understand that grief makes people stronger. It makes them fight harder. It makes them love more fiercely and it brings people together. These murders were committed by a stupid hateful man. His actions do not reflect the beliefs of Muslims, or all men, or all New Yorkers. His actions were his and they were fuelled by hatred and idiocy- the idiocy, the ignorance and the gullibility that allows IS and others to brainwash and recruit people to their cause.
We cannot fight that with more hate. We must allow their hate to make us stronger as people. To hold each other close and to stand up to bullies and say that we will not be broken.
localfreak: avatar which I have used as mine since scarboard days 10 years ago (Default)
So sometimes Marvel make decisions I don’t like. They have a pretty good track record compared to some other comics about improving equality- we’ve had gay superheroes, female superheroes, superheroes of all colours and creeds for a long time. It was something I liked about them- Northstar and the Legacy Virus addressing the AIDs crisis, Storm kicking ass and leading the X-men at a time when most other comic book females were of the damsel-in-distress variety.

I collected X-Men comics and Wolverine comics sporadically, widely as I could whenever I could afford to get the train to the city and buy them. Eventually I focussed more on the Wolverine stuff, as I found that as I had to buy things often out-of-order the X-Men plots were sometimes too hard to follow, and quite frankly too many characters for me to keep in my head. But there was a lot of good there. There were also some arcs that didn’t float my boat (the Phoenix Saga snoozefest), or damp squibs (that Wolverine one-shot with the stupid dinosaur omelettes, or the entire ‘Angel of Death vs Wolverine thing which was tripe) but I just stuck with it.

In recent years there have been some things in particular I haven’t liked- I hated the fact I found out Wolverine’s name via the X-box game after the first film before Origins even reached me, and I honestly wasn’t delighted about him having big origins reveal- part of what I liked about the character was that he never knew what memories were real and what had been forced upon him.But, meh. I carried on.

Then they did the Old Man Logan series, which I refused to buy because I hate my fictional characters growing old and dying. It is my worst thing ever, but again I just kept my mouth mostly shut and carried on. Other people liked them, after all and I could just pretend they didn’t exist.

I haven’t seen any of the new female-Wolverine. I have mixed feeling about it, not because of her being female but I would have been happier if they had re-released Wolverine’s original story and genderswapped him to her, rather than HAVE HIM RETIRE/BE DEAD.

But again I KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT AND CARRY ON.

But to make a character created by Jewish artists, to urge the people to get involved in the war and fight against Hitler a hydra nazi? That’s not just a choice of comic that’s unpleasant that is a whole new level of twattery.

WHY YOU NITWITTED IDIOTS YOU HAVE BEEN DOING (mostly) SO FUCKING WELL. MCU EVEN MADE ME LIKE IRON MAN.

Waiting

May. 1st, 2016 05:23 pm
localfreak: avatar which I have used as mine since scarboard days 10 years ago (Default)
I have noticed I tend to blog when I'm uncomfortably waiting for things to happen. I have rehearsal tonight for our next show and am worrying about it because, lovely drama group SO MUCH FLAPPING WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO SPEAK THEIR MINDS ON FACEBOOK AND PUT THE FEAR OF GOD INTO EVERYONE ELSE?!?

Mostly it was about how soon the show is, how some parts are unrehearsed (WHOSE FAULT!?!) and people still needing to learn lyrics which I know isn't massively aimed at JUST ME but I always feel like I'm being got at (I DID LEARN THE LYRICS TO THE SONG YOU TOLD ME TO AND THEN YOU CHANGED SONGS TWO WEEKS AGO GAH DIEZ PANICPANICPANIC).

Anyway so it's just about an hour before I have to leave, so I'm making a drink and then trying to occupy myself with reading and/or youtube videos...but that's a bit hard when you are constantly clockwatching.
localfreak: avatar which I have used as mine since scarboard days 10 years ago (Default)
I wrote a thing. In somewhat shaky iambic pentameter (or..pentameter at least)

Title: Comrades Abroad
Ship: (unrequited) Iago/Othello
Fandom: Shakespeare's Othello
Summary:

A queer reading of the text 'Othello' can be taken in two ways- firstly, that Othello himself presents very much the type of machoistic man who, at the time of Shakespeare, could potentially be more interested in the company of men. OR, secondly, that Iago's schemes stem from a confused lust and hatred for Othello in equal terms.

This is simply a suggestion based on the latter reading, set as if it were a prequel to the events within the play itself.


http://archiveofourown.org/works/6677260

*dances off to contemplate a part 2 to try and get people to stop solliloquising and start shagging*
localfreak: avatar which I have used as mine since scarboard days 10 years ago (Default)
I'm on leave from work which is mostly lovely at the moment though, as yet, I haven't been able to sleep in much past 6am, as my Auntie I isn't well so I have been going to get Nanny's papers and then basically breaking into their house (with a key) and stealing the dog while they sleep to take him for his morning walk.

As I am usually incredibly inactive this is probably good for me, but my legs are so tired! I had a great couple of days catching up with my friend lycoris (sorry, I never remember the html for making user tags). On Monday we went out to Manchester Museum, which I had never been to before and was very cool. Also because it is run by the Uni, the cafe was totally hipster chic (I swear, Manchester, you are filled with pretty people in skinny jeans and glasses and pretentious but tasty food). I had a sandwich full of goats cheese and tomatoes (NOM) and all the milkshakes were museum puns.

Yesterday we went into town and I took her along the Charity Shop Mile that is the main street in my hometown. It was pretty good although there was this woman in a fedorah who must've also been doing the same thing as us as she just KEPT APPEARING. Which would have been fine except that in the first place we spotted her (Sue Ryder) she stood for ages blocking the bookshelf and must've read at least a chapter of a Peter Cook biography and then, when we crept closer to try and peer at the books, Lyc commented to me about how many copies of Atonement were there and she replied that it was a bad sign and "You know what is the other DVD most donated to charity shops because people can't get rid of it fast enough? Shakespeare in Love!" At which I shuffled uncomfortably as not only do I adore that film, but Joseph Fiennes as Shakespeare was one of my biggest teenage crushes ever. (Seriously, how can she say that film is awful? It has Joseph Fiennes and Geoffrey Rush and Judi Dench in it! Also the other day I finally got round to watching Tank Girl. I know terrible film when I see it.)

I am ridiculously tired today although a lot of this is anxiety because tomorrow is singing, which I always get anxious about (OH GOD PEOPLE) but it is IN A DIFFERENT PLACE than normal because it is Holy Week AND I have to tell them that I'm not going to be at rehearsal the following week because it is my co-worker's last day and she's just been made redundant and I need to go out with her because there's only threee of us on the team and we are friends and I may never see her again. Argh.

Also, it is Holy Week and I am continuing to be a very, very bad Catholic.

OH the guilt the guilt the guilt. I think I have the guilt part down okay at least. I'm just...well it's all not so good at the moment. And you know there are services next Thursday and they're at the same time as 1. Co-worker leaving meal and 2. Singing/Rehearsal and I'm just BRIMMING with anxiousness and guilt to start with.

The thing is with rehearsal is I love them, they're great but as with EVERY OTHER dramatic/artistic group I've been a part of there's a real layer of rubbing in the guilt. I guess it is because everyone wears their heart on their sleeve so much and also that sometimes people have to layer the guilt thick to make sure people turn up because otherwise they feel people don't care.

When in fact it makes me a TOTAL MESS when I have to tell them I'm missing one. Even though they moved to Thursdays and when I started coming I said Thursdays were less good for me, that's why I went on the Tuesdays.

Aaargh.

Sorry, I'm so tired I should've stopped writing before then as this post kind of degenerated into a messy stream of conciousnessness about guilt.
localfreak: avatar which I have used as mine since scarboard days 10 years ago (Default)
It's been a really shitty kind of week this week. That is a poor choice of words right there, sorry. But BASICALLY I've been REALLY ILL all week. It started at about 4AM on Tuesday morning and Mum came down at the same time which led us to believe food poisoning but other people have had a remarkably similar D&V bug lately so the jury is still out. I actually think I have been more ill this time than the time a few years ago when I had the Norovirus.

I'm trying not to overshare, because when I am ill I kind of want to and it is just awkward because I will undoubtedly regret it. So I'm just going to say I HAVE BEEN REALLY ILL and it has been TERRIBLE.

In ADDITION to that, my darling puppy-dog, my little ginger slug, my old tigger, my reading-and-cuddles companion for over twelve years had to go to be put to sleep on Wednesday. It had been a bit...ominous for a while. My Ferny had a cough, which put extra pressure on her dicky heart because there was fluid build up but after the vet upped her last lot of medication she perked up again. But the weather has been getting colder the past few weeks and then on Monday night we were walking and she just stopped. She didn't fall, but she knew she didn't feel safe walking so Auntie I had to carry her home and although she was pottering around again the next day it was really the last sign.

I can't even begin to think how much I am going to miss her yet. She has been as much my dog as my Auntie's really, when you tot up all our time together.

I am currently dealing with this by denial. Because apart from one small breakdown on the evening after it happened, I have been too ill (and because of ill therefore headachey, dehydrated and not eating anything) to actually deal with life properly. So instead I have indulged a newly formed obsession that started a week ago when I read a fanfic Avengers AU in which Steve and Bucky are internet vloggers. And so I looked up some well known vloggers to try and understand this more and got hooked on danisnotonfire and Amazing Phil. So I spend three days watching their danandphilgames TheSims series whilst sipping water and ignoring the real world.
localfreak: avatar which I have used as mine since scarboard days 10 years ago (Default)
My new laptop ceased working over the weekend. It wasn't shutting down properly and then stopped booting up properly, which I couldn't fix despite googling solutions on my phone so as it was under warranty I rang up only to find that basically they have no replacements to offer so it has had to go back and get set refund. In fairness to Tesco they didn't quibble about it or anything but to get a new one with spec as good as that bargain is gonna cost far more and in the meantime I'm mostly stuck with the tablet and my mobile with one charging adaptor between the two of them. So whilst it could be far worse, and my fan fiction addiction can be fed I am finding it very difficult to type. And I'm in the middle of an online future learn course...

And also had fabric editing I wanted to do, plus Yanno job specs and moneymaking schemes and bills to pay...

:-(

Also typing on here is a slow process. If I try to type faster it looks like this: and I 'll basically spend snob twice so s long typing head of TeEfhcm ducking sufficiency and he fact he is southern in doo slows to keeping up with me

F M L

Feb. 5th, 2016 10:32 am
localfreak: (Avada Kedavra!)
Today I have the day off, because I am taking my cousin out to the theatre tonight as her Christmas present. I booked the day off partially because I had leave to burn and the show is early so I would've had to have a half-day anyway to have time to get home and change.

I am sure I had other plans for today as well though I can't remember what they were. Because I kind of lost my job yesterday.

Well. Kind of. It's really complicated to explain- I don't mean like 'I'm out on my ear 'ole' or anything so dramatic. And really, when you think about it I'm no worse off than if the person whose role I'm seconded into ended up coming back. I'll either go back where I came from- sort of- to a different role- or there's some talk about basically me staying and just losing a pay grade. Unless I just leave. Either way sliding back down the greasy pole I've been unsuccessfully trying to climb for six years.

But at the moment all I can think of is that for a 30 year old virgin I have been shafted quite a lot over the past six years. And being practiced in being fucked over and drowning in humble pie doesn't actually make it any easier to take. But there was already a risk of this- that I would be slinking backwards like a bird with its wings clipped.

So instead I have so far finished the Simon Armitage book I have been battling with (All Points North and read Matt Haig's The Radleys in about two and a half hours flat. And stood in the kitchen taking advantage of being alone in the house for the first time in weeks to have a really good, protracted, howling at the void, crying session.

Which I am now going to recover from with a cup of tea and finding something OTHER than crisps to eat. Or chocolates.
localfreak: avatar which I have used as mine since scarboard days 10 years ago (Default)
For those of you (if there is indeed a 'those of you' to be addressed here) who friended me in more recent times one of the first fandoms I was actively involved with (along with HP) was Savage Garden.

I owe a lot to that fandom, which was smaller than some but popular enough that there were some marvelous writers (and the not-so-marvelous, not gonna lie, myself probably included). I still remember Callycat's heartbreaking angst fics (oh so many. I suspect, but cannot confirm, that it was from these fics I learnt what AIDs was apart from "a terrible disease they show on Comic Relief") I learnt a lot about sex, about romance and sexualities from those fics. Fics by LindaG, Stine, Lunaflower and of course Carolyn, whose astonishingly well-plotted fics came late to the fandom but taught me a lot about authorial spark (I can't remember what her tag was back then but she's Oh my Cee on twitter now).

The fandom lasted for a good while after the group's disbandment, but ultimately everyone began to disappear. I found LindaG somewhere else on the internet once, blogging about non-fandom things, and as I have said, Carolyn is on twitter periodically, but mostly everyone has disappeared.

I still worry about Callycat every time I think of them.

But I digress. There is a new album release out called 'Savage Garden-The Singles' - a collection of their old hits, including 'She' which was never released.

So the notification came up on my facebook page- as usual Savage Garden and Darren Hayes' pages both updated within seconds- it is always obvious that it is Darren Hayes and his team that maintain the page. Anyway so then Darren posts a link on twitter to an interview he did with Renowned for Sound about the release.

And on the webpage there is a link to An interview with Daniel (rarity of rarities) on the same.

And well, I don't want to influence your judgement but I thought that cut for opinionated spoiler )

...But BY HEAVEN I wish I knew what the fandom people would be saying right now.


Heart attack, you stabbed me in the back. It's whack your mind is jack, how did anybody ever get like that?

I should kiss your dirty lips for bringing me my clarity. And now the truth has let me see, how your lies have buried me

And I felt your slipping fingers, and I saw you change your mind. If I hadn't dragged you in with me you would've let me dive without you

Every angel has dirty hands, even Judas planned to just carry on. Still picking up the pieces of those lies behind those sorrowful eyes you can walk away
localfreak: avatar which I have used as mine since scarboard days 10 years ago (Default)
Yesterday was quite good although I was very,very tired by the time the dinner had been cooked and I'd done all the washing up. So I watched Wreck It Ralph and re-watched Tangled which were on the telly followed by the new Sherlock.

I really liked Wreck-It Ralph actually, though I missed the beginning. It was very cleverly done and quirky. Tangled had me in tears, as is the norm for most films these days. It's just that her parents look SO SAD and they've been missing their daughter for EIGHTEEN YEARS and it's all just heartbreaking.

Sherlock I...Cut for SPOILERS )

Today I and The Family went to a nearby town and to Primark and then around the shops. I paid so I am feeling suddenly very poor although I did get another Harry Potter themed t-shirt and a Harry Potter themed jumper. Just a shame that some of the t-shirs with HP quotes on were not nice enough for me to buy despite the quotes being good. And there was an Iron Man t-shirt which would've been awesome if it hadn't been semi-see through!

Got some new trainers for Deichmann's anyway, which has been a desperate need as my old ones let water in. As it hasn't stopped raining for what feels like the whole year, but is at least most of Autumn and all of Winter so far, shoes that let water in are a terrible, terrible thing. At least until my webbed feet and gills come in.

The mood soured towards the end because Nanny got tired but is stubborn so it took ages to cajole her to stop and have a hot chocolate, and then it was all petty stuff on the way home with everyone winding everyone else up. Oh and apparently I've got to cook sunday dinner tomorrow as well. I am not impressed. Also, I hate beef and I hate gravy. It never works.

Cheered myself up by playing with my new colouring book and starting to listen to the Big Finish Dorian Grey which still_lycoris has lent me. I'm liking it so far, although Oscar Wilde sounded rather cooler in the first episode than, according to Stephen Fry, he actually was. (I watched a programme about Stephen Fry the other night and he discussed starring in Wilde and getting to snog Michael Sheen and Jule Law etc phwoar. And he said whilst researching he met someone who had known Wilde and imitated his voice which was much more clipped-vowel-high-pitched than Fry played it because it would've been annoying.)

Added a few more fics to my tiny offerings for the 12 Days of Christmas challenge though, too. So that's good. Sadly, Mum was out then and she is now in and watching the telly so I don't know if I'll be able to get that focus back.
localfreak: avatar which I have used as mine since scarboard days 10 years ago (Default)
In 2014 I read 37 books and watched 16 films, according to my records although I am suspicious that my record-keeping has been rather shoddy this year and there are some I have forgotten to put on. This is a further sad decrease in books and films from previous years.

Books

Best book I read for the first time in 2015 was: Friends of the Dusk by Phil Rickman- the latest Merrily Watkins. Although I really enjoyed Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell.


The worst book I read in 2014 was:
Exchange by Paul Magrs. It isn't a wholly objectionable book, but I just felt like it was flimsy and, for a story about book lovers, surprisingly dull. The plot seemed weak and ill-formed.


The funniest book I read:
No! I don't need reading glasses by Virginia Ironside. I always find her writing light and fun.


I also want special mention of Brummie Road by Ian Richards, which would definitely be among the best of new writing I have read this year. Any book framed around football that can make me enjoy it and see worth in, at least, the social connectivity of the game, is exceedingly impressive.



In Films, many of the ones I watched this year were new to me: Avengers: Age of Ultron, Pride, Antman, Wreck-It Ralph and the rest were re-watches. The best of the ones I watched for the first time this year were probably Pride and Age of Ultron.

Pride wins, on the basis that not only is it wonderful, I get to watch it going "THIS IS MENTIONED IN JEFFREY WEEKS' BOOK!" and "DYER TOLD ME ABOUT THIS" "IAN MCKELLEN MENTIONED THIS IN AN ARTICLE WHEN I WAS SIXTEEN" in gleeful queer glee.
localfreak: avatar which I have used as mine since scarboard days 10 years ago (Default)
Behind the Candelabra is a 2013 film about Liberace’s relationship with a young man called Scott Thorson. Starring Michael Douglas and Matt Damon this story is a biopic based on a book written by Scott Thorson about the experience.

I’m not going to dwell on the film in the sense of its quality- although I will say with actors like those two in the lead roles what can you expect but reasonably good performances- but about why it made me rather uncomfortable watching it.

Cut because I talk for a long time about this )
localfreak: avatar which I have used as mine since scarboard days 10 years ago (Default)
Christmas!

Well, on Christmas eve I had my annual the house is a pit of hoarding shite and I am filled with shaaame and then went to church to sing and then on Christmas day went to church again (downside: same homily which was about the persecution and suffering of Christians which consisted of reading aloud from an article in the telegraph and mis-pronouncing almost every foreign word or name.).

I had a good Christmas day really, feel very spoiled and people liked the gifts I gave them. I got a lot of fun things including a game called 'You Cannae Push Your Granny Off the Bus' which I need to convince people to play with me and a LOT of superhero themed things including:

Avengers notebooks
Wolverine's Dog Tags
A (DC) Superheroes cushion made by my Uncle-by-marriage's mother
An Iron Man mug (from still_lycoris)
An Iron Man wall light (from one of my Uncles)
A wobbly-headed Hulk, to go with my wobbly headed Wolverine

oh, and today I went to pick up a shiny new laptop. Which just happens to be Iron Man hotrod!red (it's not, really, it's Ferrous red but I WILL PRETEND).

Mum and I cooked dinner on Christmas day which went well and I had a glorious boxing day of moving As Little As Possible and Lying In Bed Reading.

I have also been writing (a little) for the 12 Days of Christmas fic challenge although as of yet have not got ANYTHING written for today. (I can think of portents of doom but am failing on fandom and plot). Nontheless there are many excellent fics on there from far better writers than I if anyone fancies a gander.

If anyone needs me I will be continuing my epic-re-read of Laocoon's Children (of the Stealing Harry verse by copperbadge and playing with my new computer.

QUAD CORE PROCESSOR BABY.

8GB RAM

AND A 'D' key that DOESN'T STICK!!

Merry Christmas everybody.
localfreak: avatar which I have used as mine since scarboard days 10 years ago (Default)
I'm back on twitter- I didn't last long. New pseud, new feeds, and much happier for it.

Started writing out my Christmas cards this evening (urgh, the laptop's 'd' key is only working intermittently which is proving very frustrating.
localfreak: avatar which I have used as mine since scarboard days 10 years ago (Default)
It is very hard not having twitter. Not just for the tweeting, but also for my feed- reading what everyone is saying, having something to scroll through before I get out of bed in a morning.

I can't really let on how much it has bothered me at work because *hand wavey complicated people suck* reasons.

People always claim that social media killed the art of socialising, but I think for many of us it enhanced it. I know what I'm like, the chances of me keeping in touch with my friends from college after we all left would've been extremely slim if facebook didn't appear when we were at Uni, but my facebook is by necessity very censored- it had to be, the moment that friends-who-were-actually-aquaintances-with-shared-interests or university-project-partners appeared on, and that has only continued as family members, my altar servers, distant relations, people from church, poetry and singing continue to be added to it. I didn't LIKE adding people from work, but unfortunately when I started and people added me I couldn't work out how I could say no although I never actively request anyone. So these days my facebook tends to be sharing local news (e.g. road closures, local events), arranging meetings and occasional photos of the dog/Blue Flower. Oh, and what I'm reading.

Twitter was mine. When I was alone in strange cities, sitting in solitary cafes with no one to share things with, I tweeted. When I wanted to rant, I tweeted. When I wanted to laugh, I tweeted. It has been my vent and PURE FUN. I wouldn't rant about fanfiction or bad spelling on facebook, or ever say if my mood was poor. These days that kind of thing prompts people assuming you want an actual conversation or, at the least lots of "u ok hun?" "hugs" "thinking of u xx" "msg me if u want 2 talk" which NO. NO. I don't want to talk and I don't want attention or hugs I just wanted to speak, vent, to be a voice crying in the wilderness, to Talk To Myself.

Anyway. I have 30 days (just under) before my account properly dies so I can change my mind and change my pseud there if I want but because of *handwavey can't explain here* Reasons I am not sure this method would prevent said Outer from finding me and causing trouble.

Soo...I'm off now to take the grandmother to see the Mikado at the pictures. Hope it's a good show!

Phew

Dec. 1st, 2015 09:59 pm
localfreak: avatar which I have used as mine since scarboard days 10 years ago (Default)
Well it has definitely been one of thos evenings.

There is a relatively high likelihood I am going to disappear from twitter for a bit (and I need to think up a new pseud. I don't want to use localfreak because I don't want to invade this part of my online life too heavily).

According to twitter I can change my @ name without deleting my account...but I'm not sure how that works with regards to shoring up anonymity issues, because somehow despite my real name, hometown and workplace not being on there someone from the work's official twitter team tagged me when promoting something I did in work. I PM-ed them and they took it down.

BUT THEY KNOW WHERE I AM.

And I am not liking it one tiny bit.
localfreak: avatar which I have used as mine since scarboard days 10 years ago (Default)
Tonight I finally got access to the television and watched The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. I saw it when it came out at the cinema, and bought it a few years ago where it has sat in the cellophane ever since.

It is hard to watch films at home, because I don't actually like watching films on my own, when Mum is in the house. This is why she has control of the television most of the time- because I will sit in the room and, if not always watch (often I'm reading fanfic), at least we are sharing space peacefully. Wheras, if I put something on that I want to watch (so, when I still watched Agents of SHIELD, before I fell off the wagon) she tends to leave the room and go...do ironing or something. It's not a new thing- there is a reason I had a video player in my room, but it...I do like having someone to watch WITH. Anyway she kind of watched. She laughed a bit at the beginning and then played Patience on the tablet the whole time...but oh well.

I'm feeling a bit emotionally fragile now, because GRAHAM AND MANOJ and it is SO SAD and BEAUTIFUL and I know it ends so lovelily and positively but that just makes me MORE likely to spend half of the film in choking sobs.

Which I duly did- and no sunny walk home from the pictures to compose myself with.

*sniff*

I'm a bit moody and changeable at the moment. Frustrated by the mother who has not telephoned for an electrician. She has painted a wall. Because, you know, obviously that was more important than FUCKING LIGHTS. Urgh. Well. There's not much I can do unless I raid her documents and ring the guy myself. Which there's not much point doing as I'm never home and I have no idea when she is. So that's a bit of a bugger. And you know, stresed about my job and life and December and wanting to make time to spend with people but at the same time I have assignments to do and work and there's not enough hours in the day. Zog just texted me asking what I was doing this weekend (read, did I want to do things with her) but we went out for a meal last Saturday (which was lovely) and I do have vague plans to go to Manchester tomorrow so I cried off. I feel bad but I need to spend time with the mother too. She doesn't see anyone but my Nanny all week and it can get really tense and I worry because she doesn't go out to have fun or join clubs to make friends...and Cliff has been dead some years now...and I just worry. Particularly in Winter. I just want her to be happy- I want all of them to be happy- but they seem to just...not be very good at trying to find ways to have fun themselves. If I had been a reasonable little freak and produced some grandchildren by now we wouldn't have this problem. But we do. And I don't get why no one but me worries about these things. Zog and I once agreed that between us we probably worry enough for the whole family between us.

Keep on Keeping On. I think maybe that's why I like Marigold Hotel so much:

It will be alright in the end. And if it is not yet alright, it is not yet the end.
localfreak: avatar which I have used as mine since scarboard days 10 years ago (Default)
Here I am again, procrastinating over course-work. I've done obscenely little considering I've been sitting here sifting through papers for a good half hour or longer so far. I'm just SO TIRED.
Today we had a meeting in work that lasted almost the entire day, and I was already in a grumpy mood BEFORE that happened so I'm basically looking to move into the wheelie bin and be Britain's answer to Oscar the Grouch. I reckon I could pull it off.

Tangentally, I lost my first tooth whilst having a dream about Oscar the Grouch. I dreamt that I had a piece of these weird triangular toys (I think they were called pentagon clips?) we had in Reception class in my mouth and was watching Oscar the Grouch who was swaying side-to-side in his trash can singing "A Grouch has gotta do what a Grouch has gotta do" over and over. And then I woke up and thought the toy was in my mouth and spat it out, before realising it was my tooth.

I then called my mother and made her search the fluffy teddy bear carpet for said tooth because I was scared to get out of bed and squash it.

My poor mother.

In my defence, I was five?

EDIT: I have corrected so many spellings in this post, it just shows I am barely awake.

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localfreak: avatar which I have used as mine since scarboard days 10 years ago (Default)
localfreak

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