Sweet Sweet Guilt
Mar. 23rd, 2016 09:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
localfreakI'm on leave from work which is mostly lovely at the moment though, as yet, I haven't been able to sleep in much past 6am, as my Auntie I isn't well so I have been going to get Nanny's papers and then basically breaking into their house (with a key) and stealing the dog while they sleep to take him for his morning walk.
As I am usually incredibly inactive this is probably good for me, but my legs are so tired! I had a great couple of days catching up with my friend lycoris (sorry, I never remember the html for making user tags). On Monday we went out to Manchester Museum, which I had never been to before and was very cool. Also because it is run by the Uni, the cafe was totally hipster chic (I swear, Manchester, you are filled with pretty people in skinny jeans and glasses and pretentious but tasty food). I had a sandwich full of goats cheese and tomatoes (NOM) and all the milkshakes were museum puns.
Yesterday we went into town and I took her along the Charity Shop Mile that is the main street in my hometown. It was pretty good although there was this woman in a fedorah who must've also been doing the same thing as us as she just KEPT APPEARING. Which would have been fine except that in the first place we spotted her (Sue Ryder) she stood for ages blocking the bookshelf and must've read at least a chapter of a Peter Cook biography and then, when we crept closer to try and peer at the books, Lyc commented to me about how many copies of Atonement were there and she replied that it was a bad sign and "You know what is the other DVD most donated to charity shops because people can't get rid of it fast enough? Shakespeare in Love!" At which I shuffled uncomfortably as not only do I adore that film, but Joseph Fiennes as Shakespeare was one of my biggest teenage crushes ever. (Seriously, how can she say that film is awful? It has Joseph Fiennes and Geoffrey Rush and Judi Dench in it! Also the other day I finally got round to watching Tank Girl. I know terrible film when I see it.)
I am ridiculously tired today although a lot of this is anxiety because tomorrow is singing, which I always get anxious about (OH GOD PEOPLE) but it is IN A DIFFERENT PLACE than normal because it is Holy Week AND I have to tell them that I'm not going to be at rehearsal the following week because it is my co-worker's last day and she's just been made redundant and I need to go out with her because there's only threee of us on the team and we are friends and I may never see her again. Argh.
Also, it is Holy Week and I am continuing to be a very, very bad Catholic.
OH the guilt the guilt the guilt. I think I have the guilt part down okay at least. I'm just...well it's all not so good at the moment. And you know there are services next Thursday and they're at the same time as 1. Co-worker leaving meal and 2. Singing/Rehearsal and I'm just BRIMMING with anxiousness and guilt to start with.
The thing is with rehearsal is I love them, they're great but as with EVERY OTHER dramatic/artistic group I've been a part of there's a real layer of rubbing in the guilt. I guess it is because everyone wears their heart on their sleeve so much and also that sometimes people have to layer the guilt thick to make sure people turn up because otherwise they feel people don't care.
When in fact it makes me a TOTAL MESS when I have to tell them I'm missing one. Even though they moved to Thursdays and when I started coming I said Thursdays were less good for me, that's why I went on the Tuesdays.
Aaargh.
Sorry, I'm so tired I should've stopped writing before then as this post kind of degenerated into a messy stream of conciousnessness about guilt.
As I am usually incredibly inactive this is probably good for me, but my legs are so tired! I had a great couple of days catching up with my friend lycoris (sorry, I never remember the html for making user tags). On Monday we went out to Manchester Museum, which I had never been to before and was very cool. Also because it is run by the Uni, the cafe was totally hipster chic (I swear, Manchester, you are filled with pretty people in skinny jeans and glasses and pretentious but tasty food). I had a sandwich full of goats cheese and tomatoes (NOM) and all the milkshakes were museum puns.
Yesterday we went into town and I took her along the Charity Shop Mile that is the main street in my hometown. It was pretty good although there was this woman in a fedorah who must've also been doing the same thing as us as she just KEPT APPEARING. Which would have been fine except that in the first place we spotted her (Sue Ryder) she stood for ages blocking the bookshelf and must've read at least a chapter of a Peter Cook biography and then, when we crept closer to try and peer at the books, Lyc commented to me about how many copies of Atonement were there and she replied that it was a bad sign and "You know what is the other DVD most donated to charity shops because people can't get rid of it fast enough? Shakespeare in Love!" At which I shuffled uncomfortably as not only do I adore that film, but Joseph Fiennes as Shakespeare was one of my biggest teenage crushes ever. (Seriously, how can she say that film is awful? It has Joseph Fiennes and Geoffrey Rush and Judi Dench in it! Also the other day I finally got round to watching Tank Girl. I know terrible film when I see it.)
I am ridiculously tired today although a lot of this is anxiety because tomorrow is singing, which I always get anxious about (OH GOD PEOPLE) but it is IN A DIFFERENT PLACE than normal because it is Holy Week AND I have to tell them that I'm not going to be at rehearsal the following week because it is my co-worker's last day and she's just been made redundant and I need to go out with her because there's only threee of us on the team and we are friends and I may never see her again. Argh.
Also, it is Holy Week and I am continuing to be a very, very bad Catholic.
OH the guilt the guilt the guilt. I think I have the guilt part down okay at least. I'm just...well it's all not so good at the moment. And you know there are services next Thursday and they're at the same time as 1. Co-worker leaving meal and 2. Singing/Rehearsal and I'm just BRIMMING with anxiousness and guilt to start with.
The thing is with rehearsal is I love them, they're great but as with EVERY OTHER dramatic/artistic group I've been a part of there's a real layer of rubbing in the guilt. I guess it is because everyone wears their heart on their sleeve so much and also that sometimes people have to layer the guilt thick to make sure people turn up because otherwise they feel people don't care.
When in fact it makes me a TOTAL MESS when I have to tell them I'm missing one. Even though they moved to Thursdays and when I started coming I said Thursdays were less good for me, that's why I went on the Tuesdays.
Aaargh.
Sorry, I'm so tired I should've stopped writing before then as this post kind of degenerated into a messy stream of conciousnessness about guilt.
