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Cassandra didn't have nothing on this
May. 4th, 2012 06:03 pmI can't decide whether reading about relatively messed-up superheroes is actually something I should be doing- whether it's helping or making worse? Not sure.
Basically I've been having a bit of a shaky-brain week because I ran into That Unneighbourly Neighbour who frightened me so much last December. It would be humiliatingly embarrasing (it is humiliatingly embarrsasing) to admit that far from getting over badness like a sane and reasonable person who shrugs of others' irrational angry shouting behaviours and hatred I...have mostly just functioned by a process of terrified ignoring. Lots of ignoring. It has mostly been proving a good method- the best non-confrontational, don't let people know how you feel about this, impotent localfreak method there is.
Only it doesn't always work. And, en route to the Avengers (it was raining, so Mum was driving) he was in the entry with his motorbike and she had to ask him to move so we could get to the film. Luckily a man was there fixing his washing machine so although he did not actually speak and behaved with ill-grace, he did move the bike presumably so as not to look like a douche in front of someone. But, because I am Ridiculously Neurotic the minute I realised his bike was blocking the entry I wanted to go back inside and say stuff the film. Which obviously would not work. So instead I spent the trailers for the Avengers sitting in the pictures shaking a bit and imagining that we might come back to some sort of Terrible Thing to the hovel (and also realising I hadn't backed up my essay online and if the external harddrive was caught in a fire I would be So Very Screwed). Of course this was mental, and nothing of the sort occured. Then came a series of nightmares relating to the original incident and just generally the desire to Get Away From People Who Are Hateful.
And today, when I should have been running my second proof of essay and having something to eat I daydreamed myself into an absolute, anxiety-ridden wreck, because he had been playing loud music in his car in the entry all morning and it had made the house shake and put me off my essay writing. So naturally my brain's response was to have some sort of complete meltdown. And I forgot to eat.
When Mum came in, therefore, she found me spacey, hiding the fact that I was feeling dizzy- because I hadn't really noticed it to be honest- and looking, in her words "a little pale" so decided that I should go out with her into town for some fresh air.
Ahahahahah. This was mostly not good because 1. dizzy and spacey 2. people and 3. suddenly realising absolutely starving to death. But we went.
On the bright side we did finally go to that cash for clothes place and offloaded the two bags that I mentioned in my previous post, that had been bagged up since the beginning of last week and I had hoped would have been got rid of on Monday. So that was something. Using the fact I looked like a consumptive to improve hovel conditions!
I know this is a mental and nutty reaction. It's weird yeah? I know. Sadly KNOWING THAT ONE IS BEING NEUROTIC does not make one LESS NEUROTIC. It SHOULD but doesn't. Life unfair. Woe, woe and thrice woe.
Off to cook fish and chips for tea and then read more Avengers fic, because in fandom at least Iron Man and Hulk can be more mental than me for a while.
Basically I've been having a bit of a shaky-brain week because I ran into That Unneighbourly Neighbour who frightened me so much last December. It would be humiliatingly embarrasing (it is humiliatingly embarrsasing) to admit that far from getting over badness like a sane and reasonable person who shrugs of others' irrational angry shouting behaviours and hatred I...have mostly just functioned by a process of terrified ignoring. Lots of ignoring. It has mostly been proving a good method- the best non-confrontational, don't let people know how you feel about this, impotent localfreak method there is.
Only it doesn't always work. And, en route to the Avengers (it was raining, so Mum was driving) he was in the entry with his motorbike and she had to ask him to move so we could get to the film. Luckily a man was there fixing his washing machine so although he did not actually speak and behaved with ill-grace, he did move the bike presumably so as not to look like a douche in front of someone. But, because I am Ridiculously Neurotic the minute I realised his bike was blocking the entry I wanted to go back inside and say stuff the film. Which obviously would not work. So instead I spent the trailers for the Avengers sitting in the pictures shaking a bit and imagining that we might come back to some sort of Terrible Thing to the hovel (and also realising I hadn't backed up my essay online and if the external harddrive was caught in a fire I would be So Very Screwed). Of course this was mental, and nothing of the sort occured. Then came a series of nightmares relating to the original incident and just generally the desire to Get Away From People Who Are Hateful.
And today, when I should have been running my second proof of essay and having something to eat I daydreamed myself into an absolute, anxiety-ridden wreck, because he had been playing loud music in his car in the entry all morning and it had made the house shake and put me off my essay writing. So naturally my brain's response was to have some sort of complete meltdown. And I forgot to eat.
When Mum came in, therefore, she found me spacey, hiding the fact that I was feeling dizzy- because I hadn't really noticed it to be honest- and looking, in her words "a little pale" so decided that I should go out with her into town for some fresh air.
Ahahahahah. This was mostly not good because 1. dizzy and spacey 2. people and 3. suddenly realising absolutely starving to death. But we went.
On the bright side we did finally go to that cash for clothes place and offloaded the two bags that I mentioned in my previous post, that had been bagged up since the beginning of last week and I had hoped would have been got rid of on Monday. So that was something. Using the fact I looked like a consumptive to improve hovel conditions!
I know this is a mental and nutty reaction. It's weird yeah? I know. Sadly KNOWING THAT ONE IS BEING NEUROTIC does not make one LESS NEUROTIC. It SHOULD but doesn't. Life unfair. Woe, woe and thrice woe.
Off to cook fish and chips for tea and then read more Avengers fic, because in fandom at least Iron Man and Hulk can be more mental than me for a while.
